


Blue

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 11:22:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16953072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Loki is in love but is that enough for him to pull down his barriers and let someone see the real him?





	Blue

“We should spend some time apart. For both our sakes.” Those were the words still rolling around his head in the early hours as he lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as if the blankness of the painted plaster could pull all his fears, his insecurity, his self-hatred from him and leave him pure and spotless. He was so used to projecting an illusion, an image of himself, being whatever everyone else expected him to be. A villain, a trickster, an irritant. Letting out a huff of air he rolled onto his side, punching his pillow in frustration.

It was all your fault. You were turning this into something it wasn’t. He could only give you everything he had, give you what you wanted. He’d done that. He had exhausted himself trying to be the man you thought he could be and this disagreement, this latest argument, he couldn’t be as sorry as you seemed to think he should be. You had fallen for this image of him, the Asgardian lie rather than the Jotun truth. Or rather the mixture of the two.

He loved you. He was certain of that. No being in any of the realms could love you as all-consumingly as he loved you. He loved you and that wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough. The fears he’d been hiding, the little voice in the back of his head, they had been right. If he showed you his real self, his true form, you would have recoiled in horror. Beneath the illusion, he was nothing but an abomination. His gaze settled on the blue of his skin and he shuddered. He had worked so hard on letting down his barriers with you, selected ones at least. The way you had looked at him tonight, somehow that was worse than the look he imagined in your eyes if you saw him as he truly was. 

He couldn’t see a way to fix this, to make you forgive him. In his heart, he knew he was in the wrong, had been in the wrong for weeks. Of course, there would come a time where you wanted more intimacy from him but he was so terrified of you rejecting him. His cold skin could burn, his strength was considerably more than your own and what if he lost control? The splintered mast of his previous convictions creaked ominously and he knew he had been a fool, the argument he had felt was so solid, his reason for hiding himself from you was nothing more than dust in the face of actually losing you. He had been hiding behind the belief he was keeping you safe but it was really the knowledge that you could never look at his true physical form and still want him.

It had been a kiss. Barely that. He’d been intimate with others but this-this was different. This wasn’t just physical. You- this relationship, it was the first time he had really felt connected to anything. Being with you was like coming up for air, the weight of the water that had been pressing down on him for so long disappeared and you seemed to find a way to get him to look past everything he had ever thought about himself. There had been lingering looks, gravitating towards each other, sitting a little too close, a delicious invasion of his personal space that was heady and addictive and then- this evening, the confession, the declaration of feelings and you had leaned in and…

The last words you had said to him, the last moment before he completely fucked everything up were ‘I love you.’ He had been elated. Everything he had ever wanted was right there and as he brushed the hair from your face he saw the slight blue hue to his skin and had pulled back. The moment played in his mind on a loop. He could practically hear your heart breaking. He had been trying to tell himself that you’d got through worse than this before. You knew his past misdemeanors. Hell, he’d tried to take over your entire planet and you still saw past that enough to love him. It was a mistake, a momentary reaction to something that wasn’t even you. Not that he had told you that, that would have meant opening up that part of him he knew was unworthy of love. Why could you not let it go? Why could you not just ignore that moment and just…

He sat upright with a frustrated sigh. There was no point continuing this charade of attempting sleep. Climbing out of bed he padded down the corridor to the kitchen, his mouth dry and his mind racing. Walking through the doorway he froze. The moonlight shone through the large window across the room, illuminating your figure, sat on a chair, curled in on yourself. You looked ethereal and vulnerable and he wanted nothing more than to gather you up in his arms and hold you. You turned, and his eyes met your own. He didn’t know where to look. His mouth opened but the words seemed to break and melt, he loved you but maybe not as much as he hated himself. You turned to look out of the window once more and he felt the pressure of every mistake he had ever made come crashing down. He wanted you to save him from this darkness but he could never ask that of you. He had to let you go. 

“Do you want a hot chocolate?” your voice seemed to echo in the silence, startling him.

“Yes. Yes, that would be…” He observed you carefully, trying to figure out if this was some sort of a hostile move or the beginnings of a peace treaty. 

“Okay.” You got to your feet and made your way over to the kitchen, pulling out milk and a pan and he moved to sit at the counter watching you. You didn’t even look up, and he didn’t know what to say, how to be. Far from being uncomfortable, the silence between you felt warm and familiar. 

“I’m sorry.” You said softly as you slid a steaming mug towards him. A frown appeared on his brow. This was all wrong. 

“What are you sorry for?” he asked, utter confusion in his tone which was not helped when you chuckled at him.

“For my reaction earlier. You told me that you love me and I love you. That’s enough. We don’t have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or…” He noticed his hands looked almost bright blue in this light and he shifted, pulling his hands away from the mug and placing them under the counter. You raised an eyebrow and rounded the counter before he could protest or move away. Reaching out, you took his hand in your own, the warmth seeping through his skin caused goosebumps to erupt over his flesh and his eyes widened as he froze. He studied you as you studied his hand. Your fingers lightly running over the patches of a slightly bluer hue for a while before you looked up at him questioningly. 

“It’s-“ he began, not entirely sure how that sentence was going to end, but your next words completely threw him.

“It’s beautiful. Is that- is that your natural shade? Is it just patches or is it all over your body? Sorry, I have a million questions and you don’t have to answer any of them.” The tender smile on your lips reassured him in a way he hadn’t thought possible. In that moment he felt completely safe and he let down that final barrier, the one that was keeping you apart. He smiled as he saw your eyes light up with sparks of excitement and pure joy which made his heart soar. Leaning into your touch as you caressed his cheek, he felt such a fool for thinking you would be so superficial. As you began to ask questions about the redness of his eyes and the markings on his skin he pulled you closer and kissed you gently. 

He felt you cup his cheeks. “I love you for who you are, not the illusions you choose to portray. I have to admit, you look even more handsome this way, something I wasn’t sure was even possible.

“You, my precious Midgardian,” he sighed as he rested his forehead to yours, “you amaze me.”


End file.
